A Lot Ado About Having Sex With Lesbians | Autostraddle

It’s been a big week for homosexual-related first person narratives in liberal-and-feminist-but-mostly-heterosexual guides!

The first part comes to all of us via xojane, the ladies’s internet site headed up by Jane Pratt (my personal hero)

(I’m really serious) of

Sassy

and

Jane.

Titled ”
I am a Lesbian Pillow Princess
,” this piece is part of the “it just happened to Me” feature which existed at JANE magazine and is made up largely of writer/reader-submitted reports of subjectively interesting individual experiences.

The unknown writer of this piece, whom we’ll call “Ariel,” is actually bisexual, but because she easily supplies hit tasks to her male associates but doesn’t big date or often go down on women, she’s, she describes, commercially, merely a ”

Lesbian

Pillow Princess.” (She additionally makes reference to herself as “mostly straight” and “direct” at additional things inside story.) The woman reputation began, she explains, whenever the woman basic lesbian hookup — a smokin’ hot dyke named Kelly at the woman school — went down on her behalf for one hour. She la-la-la-loved it right after which instantly fled the world fearing her very own failure to do these great cunnilingus upon Kelly for such a protracted period of time.

She writes:

“naturally, term got around that she and that I had connected and this I’d kept the girl dangling, which in fact had the strange effectation of giving me personally folk-heroine standing. Kelly labeled as me personally a “pillow princess,” and henceforth, I became one. It absolutely was like some type of motion picture conceit where in fact the hero is seen erroneously as a high profile and gets to ride in a limo and remain in a fancy hotel for the reason that it.”

This seemingly completely exercised inside her support, as she romped about in university connecting with lots of “aggressive kinds whom had gotten down about proven fact that I happened to be unwilling to leave a girl touch myself.” Post-college, she managed to move on with the internet, in which she advertised the girl relaxed position and often met with women for NSA gender.

Close to the conclusion she problematically clarifies that when connecting with a female she is perhaps not drawn to, she merely shuts her vision and envisions some other person “while [the lesbian] does her thing.” Sometimes it may seem like she wishes females to eat the woman out because they’re presumably better at it than men are. She

could

go lower on them but “I’m not dating all of them, and I don’t believe I would desire my personal fetish corrupted by looking after a person adequate to surrender.”

I would personallynot need to sit close to Ariel on an airplane, but her one-sided sexual activities tend to be consensual and she’s only informing a real tale of her existence, so I’m certainly not sure what you should model of this (and that I’m interested to understand what you create from it, if anything).

Subsequently, on Jezebel (via
The Good Men Venture
) we’ve
I hitched a Lesbian (and that I’m a man)
. The author, Hugo Schwyzer, “tended attain crushes for a passing fancy types of woman: the celebrity basketball user, the soccer onward, the swimmer. Some were lesbians. Some were not.” He questioned:

What-is-it that drew me personally so often to women that had been same-sex drawn? It surely was not the stereotypical male fantasy about what they certainly were doing in bed, plus it truly had nothing in connection with a macho opinion that i possibly could switch a gay woman straight.

In parts, the piece (which really does tred on some stereotypical soil) reminded myself with this offer from

The Girls Next Door

,
which I quoted in an article about female masculinity
:

“…if we’d which will make one other generalization about lesbian taste, it will be that many united states tend to be powerfully keen on females, homosexual or directly, stunning or otherwise not, just who seem like they may be able care for on their own.”

The writer eventually marries a lesbian exactly who delivered as direct, and he discovered their ensuing sexual life become unsatisfactory. She would not give him strike tasks and did not love penetration but joyfully accepted his choices of cunnilingus. Whenever their own sexless marriage finished in split up and a drug relapse (for him), he’s seemingly compassionate to their ex-wife’s battle rather than labeling her as deceptive (as numerous associated with the commenters would):

She had result from a conservative family who does currently deeply embarrassed getting a homosexual child. She may have understood, but did her far better hide it, perhaps wishing that the woman emotions might transform. Or she might-have-been like many females i have understood, and just found the woman real intimate identity after currently being married to one.

What is actually redeeming about this essay if you ask me that the author’s conception of his own gender is usually free from the conventional male posturing one might expect in an item like this (he even identifies themselves as “femmy”). Perhaps it appears that means because guys very seldom reveal desiring powerful, athletic, powerful ladies with short hair; but it is refreshing however.

I really don’t fault Hugo or Ariel for advising their own tales, but it’s really worth discussing that both narratives seem to ride regarding idea that bedroom conduct may be the ultimate/only litmus test of sex. Hugo and Courtney enjoy each other’s organization, but Hugo alludes to Courtney’s disinterest in penetration as a “warning indication” the guy missed, when entrance is actually hardly an entirely heterosexual act (this indicates much more likely Courtney dreaded the closeness of penetration with a person she did not truly want as with, but really you never know) and slipping in love, eventually, means your own pussy but it is additionally regarding the center and it’s really primarily about having intimate emotions. Those passionate emotions are just what transforms a hook-up union into a relationship, most likely.

Finally at

nerve.com

we’ve a nice story straight from the pony’s lips —
My Personal First-time: Female. 17. San Francisco Bay Area
. In my opinion this is basically the very first time the “First Time” series provides presented a lesbian.

Fundamentally, in ninth class, the author confessed to her companion that she had lesbian emotions on her behalf, along with her companion reciprocated, and so they proceeded to continue a stealth lesbian commitment and they are nevertheless with each other now and the woman is a grown-up in the armed forces!

It seems they’ve however to simply take their unique commitment out from the cabinet, that is a bit puzzling, but whatever

. [

ETA

: Looks like this story was written before DADT was repealed, though it just adopted published, for that reason nothing is puzzling occurring here. This is simply straight-up sweet in every means, unequivocally.]

The main focus on the part (that’s really sexy and sweet) is on the writer’s finding of
what lesbian sex is quite
:

We’d never ever been down on every some other, and I also ended up being confident that’s what we would meant as soon as we said we planned to make love. (today we understand that there is a lot more to fucking than licking a woman’s vagina and contacting it just about every day.)

She concludes:

I am aware that the majority of folks disagree regarding what virginity means to a gay woman, but virginity is completely subjective, therefore really relies upon the person you’re inquiring. Some individuals might say penetration must be included, but i believe its to anyone dropping his/her virginity. Easily feel just like I missing my personal virginity, then goddammit, I have!

I invested a lot of early morning and afternoon looking at word press, trying to figure out exactly what point i really could make about some of these pieces. I imagined much about the reason we’d never ever publish “I Was a Lesbian Pillow Princess” on this site but can not get past the reason that I would worry 50 people would vow never to get back here as well as the remaning many-thousands people would combat together about bisexual erasure/lesbian erasure before the heat death of the universe. We envisioned somebody posting “I found myself a Lesbian Pillow Princess” to united states via email after which We imagined the article meeting where we might arrive at that story as well as say “NO” at exactly the same time.

In looking for a spot to gleam because of these tales, i have attempted to determine what you might think or say, and I are unable to, and I also desire to complete this post quickly to improve the whole process of me personally learning what you think about these stories. Yup, the very first time since that time starting Autostraddle, i have had gotten little idea things to say about something. So perhaps i ought to only want to know — what exactly is your reaction to these parts?